Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Retreat

I've avoided it for too long, but this is what my body and mind are telling me to do. To retreat from everything. To pare it back, stripping everything of importance in my life down to the very basics. To get rid of anything which is not a necessity. I know this is the right thing for me to do. Too much chaos is building up and if I don't do this, I'll end up going crazy. I'm so pent up, it's unreal. Never felt like this before in my life. It must be the accumulation of everything hitting me at once. If you bury issues, they have a joyous way of rearing their ugly heads again when you least expect it. The dicks! I don't want to bury anything anymore, more than anything I want to put the past to bed. I want to Move on rather than being continuously tripped up by it. First of all I think that requires grieving. Acceptance is unthinkable before feeling the pain. So many times have I attempted to "rush through" pain in my life, thinking it was the only way I would survive. I was wrong. I can't let it out with everyone surrounding me, this is one of those things that I need to do completely alone. I know I'll come back refreshed and hopefully healed. I don't understand how I know this, but I've just got to trust myself. XXXX so hello reading, lying in the sun and simple food, writing everything out, organising it logically and swimming, soul-searching, sleep and silence.

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